Refathom, Renew, Rewaken

Cut off time

            We all have them, the ones that you fell in love with at first sight, the ones that  you couldn’t leave without. You took them home,  made space for them in your tiny apartment, and laid them down with care. It seamed to be as close to perfect as perfect can get. They were gorgeous inside and out, they knew exactly what to say and when to say it, and they caressed  your body like non ever had before. But over time you began to realize that this relationship was quite one sided. In the beginning it was all sunshine and passionate rainbows, yet you haven’t looked at them with the same eyes since. Now it seams as if they just sit there, taking up the same amount of space, yet in your heart and your life it seams as if they’re growing out of control, taking far more than you ever had anticipated. They don’t look same or feel the same, they do nothing to contribute, and quickly, they found their way to the bottom of your priority pile.

          It’s cut off time. Sadly there comes a time when you must look at the ones you love and asses the reality of what is, what should be, and what simply may have been little more than lust at first sight. It may be hard, but you know, deep down, that as time goes on you will only suffocate in the unbearable heat of your own frustration. It’s time to cut away the old, and welcome the new. After the deed is done you will most likely regret it and immediately feel the need to sew the damage back together. However, with a little thought  you will come to realize that even if you do mend them, and they occupy the exact same space, what once was will never be the same again.

My Routine

As comfortable as a daily routine may be, our routine-like actions can lead to an unfortunately routinized existence. Thus, we must choose to routinize only some aspects or our otherwise  un-routinized day in order to lessen the chance of becoming boringly routine. My sleepy eyed morning coffee creation is a routine that I rarely do without. As routinely routine as it may be however my morning routine is arguably the only routinized aspect of my day. Whatever happens post last routine sip is and should be serendipitously left to the un-routine-like nature of chance, hence lessening the chances of becoming routine.

Build it

The key to happiness, is confidence. Confidence in what you have, who you have, and above all else who you are. At times it may be taken from you, blindly and unexpected, but as hard as it may be to go on when you feel as if you have nothing, your only option, is to go on. The most beautiful thing about confidence, is that you yourself built it from the ground up once before; and you yourself can build it bigger, better, and stronger than ever, once again. So start building.

I go, I come back, I go, I come back, my dreams may be in New York City, but around this table is where my life sits. There is no greater support, no greater joy, and no greater love, than the people that surround me tonight. I couldn’t be more thankful! This is it.

I, am home.

Columbia

This mornings fog clearly depicts the recent state of my unclear mind. What the cause is I do not know, but the future of my mental and physical self will be the product of my current thoughts. The power to heal, the power to change, and the power to feel good in every way possible, lies not between the walls of a clinic, but between your own two ears. If your think it, you will feel it.

Lately I have found it so unnaturally difficult to express myself using words. It’s not that I am feeling down or defeated, because I feel quite the opposite, it’s simply an unusual moment in time. We all go through these foggy times, and though they may be frustrating and confusing, they are reality. Just remember to open your eyes that much wider, and your heart that much more, to the beauty that surrounds you. Your fog will will soon dissipate, and your view will be clearer than ever.

This walk around The Lake in Central Park was my clarification. Life is good.

Morning coffee at my desk... perfect

Simplicity, in all aspects of life is a choice, and our actions are the result and underlining proof of that choice.

Canada

This rainy Manhattan day, as I could not help but wander the silently vibrant streets, I was naturally reminded of home. Nothing compares to the comfort of those I love most.

Running through Central Park this November morning… Speechless beauty.

Naturally, change is upon us, and though it is not always welcomed with a smile and open arms, it is the inevitable. Whether in the leaves, in our homes, our hearts, or our heads, we must embrace this inevitability because with change, comes chance. A chance to learn and an opportunity to grow in directions we may have never before dreamt possible. Smile, open your arms, and hold this chance, the next, and each after close enough to keep, yet far enough to make space for incoming opportunities.

East 79th Street sidewalk

Love You Linds

I have been blessed with two amazing woman in my life. One you have heard of, quite, a few times on this blog and the other, is my incredibly venturesome sister Lindsay. Tomorrow she, once again, will be boarding a flight, and then another, and then another, and then another, on-route to her next stop, Borneo! When it comes to adventure, discovery, and sheer enthusiasm to learn, see and feel all that this great planet has to offer, my sister is it. I have never met someone with so much passion, so much drive, and so much undeniable love in her heart, for the things she holds so near and dear. Isn’t it funny how we all hear stories and see pictures of the great adventures our loved ones have embarked on, and yet to us, it is just that, someone else’s adventure, yet to those who were actually there, those stories are their life, and those pictures say what their hearts can’t. This is life, whether you are waiting in anticipation for a journey, or telling a story of what once was, each moment, especially those spent with the ones we love, are what this life is truly all about. Though I am sad to see my brilliant sister go, I cannot wait for nearing day when I can sit next to her, look deep into those captivating blue eyes, and not only hear the amazing stories of her recent adventures, but feel the joy and wisdom that she has brought back with her. Here’s to you Linds, I couldn’t be more proud to call you my sister, and I am so excited to to hear what wonderful stories you have to tell of this life. Sending all my positive energy with you, be safe, and know I love you more than the universe is wide. Now get your ass out there and save some orangoutangs!!! XOX

Well, it has been 7 days since my last post, ridiculous, but I have a very acceptable excuse for my blog neglect; I was doing absolutely nothing. My parents, aunt, uncle and my friend Gina went down to our adorable cabin tucked away in Whitefish Montana. Our days were spent soaking up the sun while sitting on the deck every morning afternoon and night, sampling a worldly supply of wine picked by yours truly, of course, and… oh ya, more wine. We did take in the amazing scenery and weather by walking around town, stopping at my favorite coffee shop, frequently, eating dinner on the gorgeous golf course at sunset, and rafting through some white water on the Flathead River. But mostly we did some much needed and appreciated, relaxing. I also repeatedly enjoyed breathing in the crisp, clean, invigorating air, which was quite the opposite of that which filled my lungs in China. Life is good and I am loving this time I have at home to collect my thoughts, and just breathe.

Dinner on the course, Whitefish Montana

Even in what we think to be our darkest times, brilliance and beauty have a way of shining through. Life, is as good as we choose to make it.